Relational Aggression and Teens
How Kids Use the Power of Friendships to Bully
Though more subtle than traditional forms of bullying, relational aggression can have lasting impact on it's victims.
What is Relational Aggression?
The term relational aggression (or RA) is used to describe bullying behavior that uses the power of relationships to hurt other people. Often occurring between girls, RA includes such things as spreading gossip and rumors, exclusion, avoidance, verbal criticism and ridicule.
How is Relational Aggression Different from Other Forms of Bullying?
RA is often more covert than other forms of bullying. Because it often exists within the subtle nuances of communication and relationships, it can be difficult to identify and prove. Girls who are the victims are painfully aware that it is occurring, yet they may have difficulty getting adults to recognize that there is a problem. Often the girls who are the aggressors are very adept at keeping this behavior underground, and presenting an “innocent face” to adults.
Why is Relational Aggression so Hurtful?
Girls are socialized to connect their self worth with the quality of their personal relationships. As they enter adolescence, friendships and popularity become critical pieces of a girl’s identity. That’s why the threat of losing these relationships, of being an “outsider” or losing status, is so powerful. Often, girls will do anything to maintain that status, and may even bully other girls in order to maintain it.
Why Do Girls Behave This Way?
There are several theories about this. Some believe that a contributing factor is the fact that girls are socialized to be “nice” and generally not encouraged to express anger or other messy feelings. Instead, they are expected to “get along with everyone” and “be a good girl.” For many girls, this repressed anger eventually comes out in the more subtle form of RA. Another factor may be the pressures girls feel from the culture to be popular, attractive, and compete for attention from boys. As this pressure is felt by girls at younger and younger ages, it creates the potential for girls to view each other as enemies rather than friends.
What are the Risks of RA?
As is true for other types of bullying, kids who are the victims of RA can experience school avoidance, depression, anxiety, loneliness and isolation, and low self-esteem. They may be more at risk for self-injury, eating problems, and drug and alcohol use.
What Can You Do?
- Encourage girls to express all of their feelings in healthy and respectful ways. Model appropriate ways for them to do this, and praise them when they follow your lead.
- Educate kids about bullying and RA. Let them know what behavior is not acceptable and why. Make sure they are aware of the emotional damage hurtful words and behaviors can cause.
- Take reports of bullying and RA seriously. Investigate situations thoroughly and make sure your school or program has procedures in place to deal with these issues.
- Get more information. Check out The Ophelia Project for resources and ideas you can implement to address this tough issue with your students.
- Every child deserves to feel safe and respected. With your help, kids can learn to treat each other in ways that are respectful, healthy, and caring.
